Does Chivalry Exist in 2009
What do women really think of chivalry and is chivalry dead today?
Interactions between the sexes have always been fraught with miscommunication. Personal differences cause friction, especially in the realm of relationships. Chivalry, once held up as gallantry, courtesy, and honor, now often refers to little niceties that make a woman's life “easier”. But all men are not knights, and all women are not princesses. It should no longer be necessary for men to follow the “unspoken rules” about how to the sexes.
Chivalrous actions speak another way – that the woman is there to make a man look good. By ordering for her, pulling out her chair, and taking care of her personal effects, the man assures that she is paying attention to him. She would make both of them look terrible if she was ungrateful of his attentions! A social faux pas like that would start the rumor mill churning. Still, both sides of this argument exist. On one hand, men should show decorum, and on the other, women should be just as capable of opening a door as their partner. I make it a point to hold the door open behind me for anyone exiting immediately after me from a building, and I will also make an effort to get the door for any elderly persons (male or female) that enter a building along with me. That is the difference between respect and chivalry. it's not the act that dictates it, but the intent.
There have been studies done about the nature of chivalry. It has been shown that male bosses who believe in chivalry – protecting and providing for women – don't trust them with real power. In this way, chivalry is “benevolent sexism”. Not to say that any man who is nice to a woman is a sexist jerk, but some men believe a woman needs to be coddled and watched. This double standard is wretched. Women are just as capable as men and should be just as evenly praised for their contributions in the workplace. It's demeaning, and belittles the strife women went through to achieve equal treatment.
Since days of old, women have thankfully realized their independence. I can't imagine living in a world where I wasn't allowed to decide what I wanted to study, where I wanted to work, or who I wanted to marry. I also live in a world where I don't have to worry about typhoid killing my family, and I don't have to wear a corset. The expectation that I will happily go along with whatever my man decides isn't appropriate. I am my own person and should be treated as such.
Men and women should still be polite to one another, that should go without saying. Were not talking about “dating a diva” here. But long gone are the days where women were incapable of pulling on a handle or unlocking their own car door. The depiction of the hag who screams at her date for opening the door to the restaurant is an overblown myth; I have yet to personally witness rudeness in response to a door being opened. Men who complain that chivalry is dead often do so from an insecurity complex, and the discordance of wanting to be superior in an equal society.
In short: respect for other people should top all, but there is no reason to baby a woman any more than there is reason to baby a man. Things couples do to show affection for one another should stem from their own desires to protect each other, rather than from any misguided wish to act in accordance with tradition. Chivalry, and the unwritten expectations the idea conveys, should be put to rest.
